Archive for October, 2009
October 31st, 2009 | Comments Off | Posted in » Just For Fun...
Forgive me. The following joke isn’t exactly “clean”. Stop reading here if that’s a problem for you.
There once was a man who was having some medical tests done. He was in the hospital, in standard hospital fare (drafty!), but he had a problem… his intestinal system was acting up. Yes… gas. BAD gas.
Now this was a VERY modest guy, and the idea of having this problem exhibit itself with a doctor or nurse in the room HORRIFIED him. He cursed his misfortune for having this problem pop up. But as is standard for hospitals, there was a LOT of waiting… and the problem was unforeseen… “What can I do?”, he thought. Thankfully, his room had a view… and the window actually would open. “Worst case”, he thought…
But the inevitable happened, several times. His stomach rumbled, and concerned he would embarrass himself far more than just passing gas, he rushed to the restroom. Each time, he found his worst fears alleved… it was just gas.
After several “false calls”, he determined that the window solution would be adequate. He opened it, and settled back down to wait for his next test.
Sure enough, soon he heard the hospital personnel talking outside his door. And sure enough… his problem came back. He squirmed a bit, and found that his worst nightmare had become reality. He had soiled the bed he was sitting on.
Scrambling from embarrassment, he did the only thing he knew to do… he gathered the soiled sheets and threw them out the open window.
To the misfortune of the staggering drunk below!
The soiled sheets landed right on top of him. Shocked by the sudden impact, the man fell down, flailing wildly, struggling mightily to free himself from whatever it was that had suddently attacked him. Entangled, he screamed, continuing to flail his arms and legs, rolling around on the sidewalk. After what seemed an eternity, he freed himself, and staggered back to his feet. Almost immediately, the smell overcame him.
The scene had attracted the attention of a small crowd of passing people, including a security guard from the hospital, who approached the stench-covered drunk and asked, “What in the world just happened here?”
Gathering himself, and looking down at the soiled sheets near his feet, the bewildered drunk replied:
“I’m shorry, occifer… I’m not sure… *HICCUP*…”
“I think I just beat the CRAP out of a GHOST!”
October 26th, 2009 | Comments Off | Posted in » My Life / Family, Pictures
We had a bit of fun last weekend with a little impromptu photo shoot of the kids. I couldn’t have been much more pleased with the results!
(Of course it helps that I have some GREAT subjects!)
October 10th, 2009 | 1 Comment | Posted in » My Life / Family
I thought I had everything planned perfectly for Friday. My meetings were scheduled to be finished by 10:00 or so, and the fishing guide from River Run Outfitters was lined up and ready to go for an afternoon fly fishing trip. It was going to be an AWESOME day.
But Thursday came and things started changing. Rains were expected in the area, and around 7:00 that evening, the monsoon really set in. A constant downpour, severe lightning, flash flooding… horribly ugly weather. It even affected my level of joy early on in watching my beloved Missouri Tigers… the hotel I was staying in used satellite to receive its television signals, and the rains affected reception horribly. So hard to follow a game through ESPN GameCast and twitter!
But the game came back eventually. Mizzou looked GREAT for three quarters, absolutely dominating. And I was still flying high, my team winning, a great day planned for Friday… life was great.
In the 4th quarter, things imploded for my Tigers… I didn’t need the rain and spotty broadcast reception to take away the joy of watching the game, Mizzou did that just fine by themselves. They gave up 20 points in 5 minutes, and the game slipped away. It was sickening to watch. By the time the game was over, I was not a very happy camper… but worse, I was beginning to experience some serious stomach pain.
Sleep was nearly impossible, so I laid awake channel flipping, waiting for the pain to dissipate. 2:00 AM rolled around, then 2:30. Sleep finally overcame me. Awoke again at 4:00… shivering uncontrollably, abdominal pain still strong as ever. I debated going to the ER, but decided to just wait it out until morning to go to Urgent Care.
6:30 finally rolled around, and I loaded up my stuff to go. The downpour was still constant, and I got drenched just loading up. The weather forecast still gave a glimmer of hope for fishing… though 5 – 8 inches of rain had hit the area, the rain was supposed to stop by afternoon. Just had to get to urgent care, get some medication, and I’d be good to go.
So I thought. Urgent care wouldn’t take me… they don’t do abdominal pain, that’s an issue for the Emergency Room. I was admitted promptly, and tests began. Around 11:00, they decided I needed a full CT scan of my abdomen… white blood cell counts were high, indicating infection, and the pain I was having was indicative of appendicitis. So much for fishing! By 1:30, I’d finished the CT scan (note to medical professionals: can’t you add some flavor to those dye solutions… NASTY stuff!). The verdict was in by 2:15… surgery. The appendix was the culprit, and had to go.
My best laid plans were shot to crap. I was 250 miles from home, alone in a hospital, faced with surgery in less than an hour. I was an emotional wreck. Not about the surgery (I know God is in control of my health, and trust that He’s MORE than capable of taking care of me)… but I needed my wife and kids there with me. I called Nancy to share the news through tears. I called work to let them know my predicament, and rediscovered why I work for the best company in the world… they said they’d get a plane ready and would have my family there as soon as they could. I called my dad, to let him know what was going on. I called Nancy again. And then I was off to surgery. Such a whirlwind of activity, stress, emotion, and prayer.
Everything went fine, of course, and around 6:30 Nancy and the kids arrived to see me. Jeffrey and the girls were SO excited that they’d got to fly in a plane… I was just excited to see them. My family was together again, and all was once again right with the world.
Once again, I received a lesson about the true level of control I really have over life, and over the things that truly matter in this world. I can make whatever plans I want, but only God is sovereign over all. Only He can control the wind, rains, and weather. Only He can control the very processes that make life possible on a moment by moment basis. He blesses us in so many ways, and gives us so much to be thankful for.
It’s apparent now that God wanted me to slow down a bit and reconsider these things. Between the stress of work, family activities, and church stuff, I’ve been far too busy just doing life in recent weeks to actually live it and enjoy the blessings He gives.
It’s a hard-learned lesson, but one we all need to be reminded of every once in a while.